On Guilt and Modern Parenting

crying sisters parentingfail

I am so proud of the communities that I am seeing surface online for mothers. In our modern life, we have lost so much of our "village", and yet little pockets of amazing support are popping up, and they are right there at your fingertips in the deepest dark of the night when you just can't fall back to sleep after the 23rd time your babies need you.

Unfortunately alongside this amazing support come well meaning momma groups and blogs, trying to make us feel better by forgiving that one time that we let the TV babysit the kids. Wait, WHAT?! If my kids watch Curious George while I nap on the couch every morning until the coffee is ready where does that leave me??

Measuring our parenting fails is what gets us into trouble... and fast. Comparing my failures to yours is useless, painful, and tears both of us down. So what's the alternative?

Admit that we all suck sometimes (by our own standards, no one else's).

I know that I have had some really shit moments of parenting, not to mention shit moments as a partner, and definitely shit moments with my own self. It isn't our role to judge each other's guilt. What I do know is that we all feel it, and that it's okay (and necessary!) to let it go.

I don't care how big or small your failings are, you will get through them, and you do deserve grace. Don't forget to look at the big picture. Lead with your whole heart. Trust your instincts. Be vulnerable and be brave. Don't let a fucking Bounce dryer sheet commercial convince you that we are still in an era where it is okay to judge or be judged based on the static cling of your family's clothing. Sorry to drop that F bomb, but I mean, come on, if your friends are going to judge you based on static cling, get out of that house and never return.

Your love is it. It is enough. Don't let someone else define your "enough", you have your own life to live, and they can live theirs.

Let go of perfect.

Let the chaos in and live with your whole heart.